It has been an extremely long time since I have posted anything. Time has a way of passing quickly without one being really aware of it. So… Here’s a long overdue update!
School: The good news is that I passed all three classes this last semester. The bad news is I blew my 4.0 GPA. (sigh) I managed an “A” in Intermediate Algebra (who would have thought?) and got a “B” in Intro to Emergency Management and American History II. So it wasn’t horrible by any means, but less than perfect and that’s a hard pill to swallow for a perfectionist. Someone commented on one of my posts that being a single mother, working full time and going back to school were a lot to deal with and I may have to accept a less than perfect 4.0 GPA. She was right. I’m still happy with my grades, but life is busy and kids and work are more of a priority. Life goes on… I am taking a break this summer and will continue classes in the fall.
Weight loss: I am down 57 pounds in 8 months! I’m down about 6 sizes, I no longer shop in the “women’s” department and rediscovered not only my hip bones, but my ribs as well. I feel nothing short of amazing and I’m still working hard to lose those last few pounds to reach my goal weight. I gave up with Phentermine about two months ago. I’m still doing Focus T25 sporadically, no fast food or pop, Shakeology every day (still my favorite part of the day) and I’ve added strength training to tone up. A detective I work with created an “All Buff No Fluff” workout plan for a coworker and I. We stay after work every night and work out in the gym and curse his name (smile). But ~ it’s working. And that’s all that matters. I will be participating in my first 5K next month. I’m suffering horribly with shin splints, but I will crawl if I have to. Whatever it takes, I will cross that finish line. Period.
Work: Winter was hell and lasted until May. Now that summer has finally arrived, it has been busy on midwatch. The natives have been restless and are out in full force. I’m fine with it being busy at work. It makes the shift go by so much faster. We are finally at full staff in dispatch with no one in training. This is a rare occasion in dispatch centers across the nation. I’m hopeful it will last. Training a new dispatcher is exhausting, regardless of how well they are doing. It’s difficult to sit back and observe for weeks at a time. It’s hard to give up that control.
Kids: Austin is doing well in Chicago. He took a six week break to come home and get tested for sleep apnea. He has a severe case and although we discussed surgery options, we won’t be able to do that until he graduates from college. The recovery time is lengthy and painful and he really can’t take any more time off of school. He was sent home with a breathing machine and seems to be adjusting to that better as time goes on. For the first time in a very long time he is getting quality sleep at night. I really had no idea how little sleep he was getting. I’m amazed he could function at all. Taylor is busy with softball this summer. I think she’s happy to have the break from school though. I’m thrilled I don’t have to take her to school in the morning every day!
Love: One of the biggest changes in my life occurred recently. After six years of being on my own and completely losing all faith in love, it appears I have found everything I have ever wanted right in front of me. Somehow I managed to miss the forest for the trees.
I met Tim when I was 14 years old in Biology class. He sat in front of me. He had blond hair, gray eyes and I was his from the moment my eyes found his staring back at me. He was 15, beautiful and wild. And he loved me. I fell hard for him and I loved him fiercely. Circumstances beyond our control tore us apart. He moved to the southern end of the state and I moved to the northern part. Although we tried, we failed miserably at making a long distance relationship work. We were kids and we were human and it tore us both apart. I can honestly say I have never loved anyone the way I loved that boy ~ until recently when I met the man he became.
Tim and I remained in contact over the years. He has always been my anchor, my rock, my constant… He has loved me unconditionally for 27 years. He has been there to help me pick up the pieces of my life time and time again. He knows every mistake I have ever made. He knows about all of my bad decisions. He knows my thoughts, my dreams, my fears. He knows it all. When I needed honesty, he gave it to me ~ even when I didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t always take my side. He disagreed with me on more than one occasion, but supported whatever decision I made. And he loved me. Always. There were years we went without talking, but whenever we connected, it was easy to pick up where we left off. I have battled my own demons over the years and he fought most of his without my knowledge. There were times he called me to talk, to cry, and to ask my opinion about something he was struggling with. Regardless of the fact that I loved him, I never really considered “us” as a possibility. He lived in Indiana and I lived in Minnesota. My kids were younger and I couldn’t just pack up and move. And we didn’t have the best track record with making things work with the distance between us. So I loved him and prayed for him to find happiness, even if it wasn’t with me.
We spent some time together last month for the first time in over twenty years and I fell in love with him all over again. He is no longer the beautiful, wild boy I fell in love with ~ although I still see that boy when I look into his eyes. He has become this amazing man I don’t even have the words to describe. He has surpassed even my wildest dreams of the man I knew he could become. He looks at me and I am home. He holds me and I know where I belong. I have been drawn to him since I walked into that classroom at 14 years old. He is my best friend, my lover, my soul mate… He is my gravity. He always has been.
He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. ~ Emily Bronte
Confessions-of-a-911-Dispatcher 